Well it looks like it’s that
time of year again – time for me to get back on the horse and put my bold
predictions on display for all to see. I am looking to bounce back from a
somewhat difficult 2012 where I fell ever so short of my counterpart Jay who refuses
to let me forget it. But, alas, if Crown and MacMurray can have hope for 2013 then
doggonit so can I. This is the one week of non-conference games in the UMAC and
teams have taken drastically different approaches to their scheduling.
Westminster and Martin Luther have chosen to schedule the two worst teams in
all of college football – which, to me, is a no win situation - sort of like playing
a girl in basketball. Either you block her shot and everyone scolds you because
she is a girl or you let her score and everyone is flabbergasted at how you
could possibly let a girl score on you. Scholastica, Greenville, and
Northwestern have all taken different approaches and have scheduled what will
be probably be their toughest opponents all season – which equates to middle of
the pack teams in other conferences. Just another day in the UMAC. Here are my
picks:
Maranatha Baptist @ Martin Luther- We were waiting on word from College Gameday
to see if Lee Corso and the crew were going to set up shop outside New Ulm for
this one but apparently they have decided to go to Ann Arbor instead – typical ESPN.
All I can say about this one is that being the lowest ranked team in the lowest
level of college football is quite an achievement. It literally means that you
are the worst college football team in all of America. I certainly hope Martin
Luther can beat the worst college football team in America. I will go out on a
limb and say they can. Martin Luther 41 Maranatha 6
Wartburg @ MacMurray- MacMurray has also painted
themselves into a no-win situation here but for different reasons than their
buddies at Martin Luther. MacMurray literally can’t win this
game. Wartburg is sooooo much better than them Wartburg 70 MacMurray 0
Northwestern @ St. Olaf- St. Olaf is a pretty middle of
the road MIAC team – which means that they are way better than almost any team
in the UMAC. I’d give a team like Scholastica a chance to knock of the Oles,
but not Northwestern. Northwestern has lost far too much to beat a team like
this on the road – especially in Week 1 of the Jacob Fletcher era. Give me 6
turnovers for the Eagles offense and a game that is not a blowout but not
particularly close either. St. Olaf
28 Northwestern 0
Westminster @ Hendrix- Hendrix has 54 total players on
their roster, 44 of whom are true freshmen. This is their first season of
football since 1960. And this might be their best shot at winning a game all
season. I don’t think Westminster lets it happen, though. If they do… they
should have to be like the bottom team in the English Premier League that is
demoted to the minor leagues, which I guess would be high school football in this case. I’m not worried though.
Westminster wins easily. Westminster 41 Hendrik 14
Greenville @ Millikin- This is a tough
one. Millikin is one of those bottom teams from a really good conference. They blew
out Greenville last season 50-17 and played close with some tough opponents
like Wheaton and North Central. I had this circled as my upset alert but I just
don’t think I can pull the trigger. Millikin is too tough. I predict Greenville
plays a lot better to start this season than in past years, but it’s not enough to
win on the road. Millikin 35 Greenville 27
Minnesota Morris @ Hamline- Whenever Morris
gets a little too big for their britches I like to remind them that they lost
to Hamline last year - which is a little pathetic. But fear not Morris fans!
Your offensive line has extra motivation this year thanks to UMAC Central.
Apparently, Eric Nelson did not appreciate being
referred to as the worst offensive line in the UMAC. Sorry bro, but sometimes
the truth hurts. I just wish he hadn’t deleted his FB post so soon - oh well,
we still have the evidence to share with the world. This glorified troll
predicts that with all this bulletin board material from UMAC Central, Morris
cruises to a win over a very bad Hamline squad. Morris 35 Hamline 7
Knox @ Eureka- Eureka and Knox are both ‘supes
pumped’ for this one. In fact, I have a feeling they have actually used those
exact words to describe their excitement. Eureka wants to get on ESPN again and
Knox has to be embarrassed about what happened last year. What people quickly
forget from last year’s game is that Knox almost won that affair. Without Durley
this year and with a Knox squad out for revenge, Eureka falls to the Prarie
Fire (that’s seriously their name?) What I am most excited for though, is not the game but rather the Civil-War reenactement festivities. Four score and seven years ago... Knox 45 Eureka 35
Simpson @ Iowa Wesleyan- I fear that Iowa Wesleyan has bit
off a little more than they can chew with Simpson. As a new DIII program I
understand that they probably think they can play with a school like Simpson
that is mediocre in the IIAC. But they can’t. Simpson wins this one far too
easily. Simpson 42 Iowa Wesleyan 0
Macalester @ Crown- Macalester destroyed Crown last
season so I should probably pick them. But I’m feeling a bit risky today. Crown
has seniors at QB and RB. Macalester is starting a rookie signal-caller. Crown
is at home in the first game at their new stadium. I feel a Storm a brewin’.
Crown in a close win in which the students rush the field after the game as if
Rudy just made a tackle for Notre Dame. Crown 28 Macalester 27
Game of the Week
St. Scholastica @ Whitworth- I know last year’s game was a
close one and I actually like Scholastica more this year with QB Tyler Harper
having a year of experience under his belt. I just can’t pick them to win this
one or even play the Pirates particularly close. Whitworth is just too good.
They have 18 returning starters from what was an already good team last season
and they won’t be taking the Saints lightly. St. Scholastica will have a really
cool experience traveling across the country for this one, but will end up with
a long flight back home. Whitworth
38 St. Scholastica 10
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